Why I Sold Out
I am a successful black man. I am successful career wise, social
wise, and financially. I`ve been investing in the market since the
mid-80`s when I received my bachelor`s degree and have really
reaped the benefits.
Due to this, I have been able to pay off student loans, finance
graduate school without additional loans, pay for my home,
automobiles, and still keep money in the bank. The lessons on
investment I got from my dad (R.I.P.), even though he was a
custodian - he knew how a black person could "turn ground beef
into T-Bone" through simple, sane, and consistent investment.
So, I`m doing well on that end. I work out and keep my body in
good shape. Plus, I don`t smoke and drink once in a great while. I
love life and am determined to get the most out of it. I also believe
in God and attend church every Sunday.
I date white women exclusively. Well, I should say "non-African
American women" exclusively. I have dated women of
Hispanic-American women, Asian-American woman, and am
currently in a serious relationship with a woman of Middle Eastern
descent. I can`t say whether or not that relationship will work out.
But, I can say that I have no plans and foresee no plans of EVER
dating African-American women again.
So, I guess I`m what you call a sell out. Why? Well, as little as 3
years ago - I felt that black men who dated white women were
sellouts. Strongly believed it, vocally endorsed it, and said it. In
fact, I met a beautiful white woman in 1993 who was very
attractive, had a sparkling personality, and beautiful red hair. We
got along well and when she wanted more, I backed off ONLY
because she was white. She moved on, met, and married a white
guy and they have 2 beautiful kids now.
But, I just got tired of the black woman drama. And, when black
men who date white women say that they choose to do so because
of "black woman drama" I know exactly what they are talking
Women who could not disagree without getting loud. Women who
gotta talk about what other women do or don`t have, what does or
doesn`t look right on them, who "got their nerve", or "who does she
think she is", or "no, she didn`t".
I got tired of all that "black" mentality. I got tired of disagreements
having to always end up with a loud argument. I got tired of taking
sisters to a nice restaurant and, if the food isn`t prepared right,
watch her get an attitude with the waiter.
I got tired of "you can`t run my fingers through my hair...that will
mess it up". I got tired of planning a romantic weekend, then have
it ruined because she had an attitude because something didn`t go
her way at work on Friday. I got tired of planning social events,
then not having my woman want to go because she didn`t like the
"attitude" of someone who was going to be there. I got tired of
trying to plan for the future financially but dealing with women who
ran to the mall soon as they got paid and didn`t want to leave until
they were nearly broke.
I got tired of sisters who didn`t try to work out or take care of
their bodies but had nothing but nastiness to say about those who
chose to have enough self respect to take care of themselves. I
got tired of taking sisters to elegant affairs and then watch them
have nothing better to do but to comment on what was wrong with
the affair. "That music gots to go", "The salad don`t taste right",
"That woman over there needs a breast reduction". It`s amazing,
but when we went to "black" movie like "Friday" or some Master P
garbage - nothing was ever wrong.
I got tired of sisters who could never find or make time to go to the
gym, but always made their nail and hair appointments religiously. I
got tired of sisters who felt success always had to have a financial
aspect. Tired of dealing with "successful" black women who were
just all into keeping up with the Joneses. Women with bad credit.
Shopping at Sak`s when they have a K-Mart budget. Buying stuff
they can`t afford to show off. Sick of it. I got tired of women who
never have time to read a decent book, but make it a point to buy
every issue of Sister 2 Sister, Essence, Ebony, and never miss a
I got tired of planning adventerous sex and then having it blown off
with "I don`t do that" or "Uh huh". Now, I am not talking bondage,
S&M, or anything like that. But, maybe turning on some blacklights
and painting each other with flourescent body paints or oiling each
others bodies down or making love in my hot tub, or maybe even in
the greenhouse that I built last year behind my home.
I got tired of hot love making sessions come to a shattering end
because her nail broke. I got tired of that funky attitude, that
nasty ass confrontation demeanor, that "me first" mentality, that
low level of thinking. I got tired of black women and the drama that
always comes with dating one. I got tired of women who don`t let
a man be a man and make the critical decisions but instead butt
him on every turn and them call him trifling or weak if he just gives
up. Now, I know the first thing some of you women are saying is "I
bet he dates women that even white men don`t want". Nope,
every white woman I date is fine. Ultra fine. Bodies like Jennifer
Lopez. Faces like Vanessa Williams. I have high standards in
everything from cologne, to clothes which I have fitted), to food (I
don`t eat red meat, fried food, or artificially preserved
fruits/vegetables), to women (I don`t date women who don`t take
care of their bodies, minds, or souls).
The women I date are up to my standards (which are high), can
wear 2 piece swimsuits with no embarassment, can tell you the
difference between a Modernist, Post-Impressionist, Post-Modern,
or Contemporary painting, can explain what a diversified portfolio is
and why it is an asset, etc.
And, the women I date are nice women. Nice people. Very nice. If
you car is broke down she would call help on her cell phone for you.
If you are on the street begging for money, she would share some
with you. When I babysit my nieces and nephews, my woman
comes over to help me out - changing diapers and wiping baby
booties with me.
I was fine dining with my girlfriend and the waiter accidentally
spilled wine on her white silk suit? Did she trip? No. Did she get
loud? No. She excused herself and tried to wipe it out. It didn`t.
And, she patiently and politely explained to the manager that the
stain may not come out, the suit cost over $300, and she just felt
that, even though it was a total accident - that the store pay for
the cleaning cost or a new suit.
And, also asked that the waiter not be punished - it was a dark
restaurant and it was an honest mistake. That is nice. A black
woman would have been loud and belligerent -and made a scene.
Then wailed on about the cost of the suit. My woman, politely got
everything in order, then we sat and enjoyed our meal.
Interestingly, there was a table of black professional women about
5 feet away who witnessed the entire situation. We could hear
them go on and on about how they would have "went off", got
money for a new suit "on the spot", or claimed the suit cost more
than it actually did. I`m so glad I no longer date black women.
To make it short - I got tired of the black woman mentality. I`m
just putting it out there. A lot of black men who date white won`t
say it - but a lot of them know it is true. While I am trying to not
generalize, my experience is that most black women got an
"attitude". They like to call it being "real", or being
"straightforward", or "speaking their mind". But, the attitude is just
really a nastiness that says "I can`t disagree without being
I can`t let others be different without belittling them for their
difference. What others think of me is more important than what I
think of myself. All money is meant to be spent ASAP without
thought for tomorrow. Once, I was considering whether I had made
a mistake in dating non-black women so I talked to my mom. Now,
my mom is pure pro-black. As a college student, she marched with
MLK and even was at the march on Washington. She was arrested
at a sit-in down in Alabama during the early 1960`s. She worked
with voter registration drives and is now retired. And, I asked mom
if I was wrong in refusing to consider dating a black woman.
This is what my mom told me... My mom told me "Black women
today are not what they were when I was your age. We had pride,
we would never be caught dead in a movie theater paying to see a
movie that denigrates blacks such as "Friday" or "Booty Call". I have
nice material things now, but I accumulated those through a life of
hard work and wise choices - not by making money the #1 thing. I
had no problem taking off your dad`s shoes and massaging his feet.
I had no problem when he spent a night out with his male friends. I
had no problem disagreeing with him on issues. I had no problem
letting your father be a man and making the decisions that ran our
household. But, the black women today do not allow black men to
be men. They want to wrest the mantle of leadership from the man
and get an attitude when he tries to be a man then call him
"trifling" if he gives up."
She added "I can`t blame a young successful black man for not
dating black women today. It is hard enough to achieve success if
you are a black man and it is stressful enough to deal with the
rigors of being a black man in today`s world. A black man does not
need the stress of a woman who constantly keeps drama going and
just can`t enjoy life even when it doesn`t go her way. From the
way our women have went, I just can`t blame a man today for
Critics expose themselves, Not too long ago, my girlfriend and I
stopped at a restaurant and were eating. Across the way were
some black females who gave my girlfriend that up-and-down look
and then cut their eyes to each other in a look of disgust.
Now these women were all at least 200 lbs, sloppy fat, black
women. And, they kept looking to us and letting their voices raise
so we could hear "jungle fever", "sell out", "weak nigga", etc. Next,
it went to "she probably went down on him to get him to leave his
wife", "you know she lets him cum in her mouth", "you know he
must have a small penis", "she`s nothing but white trailer trash",
"loser", "slut", "hoe", "punk".
And, that is what I found about nearly all black women who have a
problem with a black man dating only white. They have serious
issues with their own esteem and try to cover up these issues by
attacking black men who date only white women. They can`t
disagree without being insulting and making insulting remarks about
white women`s bodies, lifestyles, sexual habits or making insults
about the black man who date white women.
I date only white women. I used to date black but I got tired of
wasting gentlemen qualities on women who don`t appreciate and
therefore don`t deserve them. And, I speak for a lot of brothers
because I have talked to lot of brothers.
Remember Clarence Thomas? Hmmm, he`s married to a white
woman but it was a black woman who was trying to ruin his career.
While Anita Hill made unfounded slurs about him, Clarence`s wife
showed incredible and dignified restraint. I date only white women.
I refuse to go back to black women